Are you being controlled or guided?

I suppose the fact that God inspired me to add a notation about the mention of “Transgender” and “Christian” living together in harmony on the welcome page of my new blog, it’s only right that my second post should be about religion and faith.

Religion. One of those topics I was taught never to discuss in polite public. Yet here we are at a place in time where religion could only be discussed more if it’s literally your job! Regardless of the religion you celebrate – or don’t celebrate – it’s in your face every day. Especially if you spend any time on the socials. Let’s face it, despite the implied intention – and the words of Jesus, if you’re Christian –  it’s the source of most of the world’s conflict. So many people are more concerned about ensuring that everyone else follows the rules defined by their particular religion – even when, as you also can’t go many days without seeing – so many don’t actually live the words they preach, than actually developing a relationship with their God! Therein lies the difference between religion and faith. Religion is about rules and control. Faith is about spirituality and development, regardless of where that faith is directed. 

I have always had a challenging relationship with religion. Now, faith. Faith that there is a higher power out there in the universe that guides us along our earthly path has never been missing from my soul. It is something from which I have always taken great comfort. I have rarely been embraced in the houses of the “religion” initially chosen for me by my parents. Even today, I know that far too many folks who identify as “Christian” don’t embrace me. Hell, these days, I can’t go a day without seeing posts on the socials advocating for, well, I’ll just say some pretty unpleasant things! I have to say that while, like every other Two-Spirit Soul, Transfabulous Human, or otherwise Weirdo Spirit person, I just want to live my life in peace, the overwhelming hatred that I’ve seen thwarted at the Transgender community, I am not cowering in fear, further retreating into the cis-gender life I had allowed myself to fall back into where I was, again, miserable. I had lost my connection to God!

These days, yes, I identify as Christian. I have since 2020 when I reconnected with God after nearly dying. Shortly thereafter, at a protest march about something or other happening in Wilmington at the time, I met the amazing soul known here on earth as the Glorious and Reverend Kelley Finch, pastor at the Mosaic New Faith Community in Wilmington, North Carolina . Reverend Kelley showed me that a Christian (Methodist) Church and pastor not only welcomed me and weirdos like me, she EMBRACED us and created an entire church devoted to us. If you’re near there, you’re lucky and should take advantage of the opportunity and embrace the love Reverend Kelley and her community has to offer. I truly miss being a part of it. If not, worry not gentle soul. God has you covered! Reverend Kelley broadcasts services and other Bible lessons on her page! If you open your heart, God will find a way to reach you!

I am thankful to God for bringing Reverend Kelley into my life and for my return to the Christian faith. BUT, for the better part of my 58 years, I was told by pastors and most Christians that God “loved me” – but also “hated the sin” I was committing (even if it was only in my mind at the time). For Heaven’s sake, these words were being preached to me before I even understood what they were about. Talk about GROOMING! 

So, how could all of those sermons and all the voices of those people who loved me and were instrumental in guiding my spiritual development swimming around in my little noggin, POSSIBLY reconcile with who I knew in my CORE “he” had made me. How could I be made in “his” image, but my sister – also made in “his” image – is a “girl” and I am a “boy”? Obviously, I searched elsewhere for the source of this “faith” that I knew I felt.

Since being in Oregon and having this cherished time for reflection and communing with God, I have realized that giving myself permission to embrace both the strong masculine AND the equally strong feminine sides of my soul brings me closer to God. That closeness brings me peace and happiness.

Throughout my life, I have also felt a strong connection to the nature-centered, soul-searching religions. In nature, all things have a “male” and “female” representation that generally presents itself. In every species, there are anomalies. Many of God’s creatures find lifetime love and comfort mating with members of their own “gender”. Intersex and other “anomalies” exist. “Gender” is and always has been fluid in nature. Humans are the only species on the planet that finds it abnormal and worthy of disdain and shunning – or death by torture! Again, entirely because of religion.

It has always made sense that my soul felt that I was BOTH a boy and a girl. I struggled my entire life battling the voices in my head and in my ears. After nearly dying in 2020, I found myself embracing my feminine side and began identifying openly as “female”. No matter how hard I tried to embrace it, it never truly felt comfortable. I struggled with name changes, even abandoning my then-chosen name, returning to the name my beautiful mama gave me at birth for a few years. It wasn’t because I experienced even a little bit of blatant discrimination. Quite the opposite. I got jobs. Everywhere I went, people flocked to me like the butterfly I had become at the time. Strangers would ask me for hugs. I felt light as a feather. It’s WONDERFUL to feel that way again! Especially without the external validation I received of my physical appearance. This time, it’s about my soul, not my looks.

God has helped me see that I had not embraced the ONE key factor that brought it all together for ME…. A gender-fluid identity that allows me to express myself however I feel on a given day. Honestly, sans the application of make-up to my face on a quasi-regular basis, the wearing of either “Barbie Garb” or “Ken Garb” – which are just societal perceptions of what should be worn by the “two” genders … and that damn NAME … it’s exactly how I’ve lived my entire life! EUREKA! Hey, maybe I should change my name to Eureka! 🤪 Just kidding, peppers! I’m IN LOVE with “Chill!”.

I’m going to finish this post by thanking Jesus — THANK YOU, JESUS! Thank you for getting me here. When I finally let go and gave you the controls, I found the answers I had been so desperately seeking! I will continue to be an instrument for the mission you choose for me.

And if any of that makes you uncomfortable, maybe check out Reverend Kelley’s page.

Be a blessing, y’all!

Chilli Pepper Gee 🌶️❣️👠